First of all, Happy Super Bowl Sunday everybody!

Is it just me or is time really flying by faster now? It sure seems to this old man that it was just the other day when the NY Giants shocked the world by defeating the undefeatable NE Patriots in Super Bowl XLII, or 42. In any case here we are again on the eve of another Super Bowl. The SB seems to roll around faster than Christmas anymore, or even an old timer's next birthday!

Before I make my prediction I would just like to make a few simple observations on this 'new' American holiday. Oh, and don't think for a moment that Super Bowl Sunday is not a national holiday, the only thing missing in making it so is the official federal mandate, and that may be closer than we think. As it is Super Bowl Sunday is the most commercially, self promoted holiday we have. Even more so than Valentine's Day! What helps to make it so popular is that football, and especially the NFL, is now a recognized religion in this country. Just like any other religion it has its rabid, or devout, followers, its so-so believers, its occasional attendees and of course its blasphemers. Regardless of what is said here I am not one of the latter as I love football, especially that which is played in the land that Global Warming hast forgot, Green Bay.

What the NFL needs to do to make 'our' Super Bowls more memorable is to get rid of that Roman numeral nonsense. Unless you teach Ancient History, advanced mathematics or you're some kind of nerd, nobody knows what it means! Most of us do not think of XLII as the number 42 so we end up saying stupid stuff like, "Hey did you see the Giants in Super Bowl X-L- eye-eye-eye?" Roman numerals were fine when it was 1967 and it was Super Bowl I. But now it is just confusing. I also understand the macho, Roman gladiator reference that the NFL bigwigs were trying for when they started this Roman numeral business but in our hyped up, give us sex, blood and guts entertainment of today this connection with Ancient Rome is no longer needed. America is well on its way to stand on its own when it comes to gory, meaningless, stomach turning entertainment. We have stuff today that would make Ancient Romans cringe! For example, anyone ever see, "Temptation Island?" How about 'The Surreal Life" with a walking mummy rapper, Flavor Flav and his likewise mummified co-star Brigitte Nielsen making kiss… ugh… kiss? Most of what the masses watch today, like just one Jerry Springer episode, would be enough to make any real Roman gladiator or centurion's knees buckle!

How the NFL now needs to designate the Super Bowls is by using the year that they were played, like Super Bowl 2009. Even so this would cause some confusion, as the winners of that SB would also be the Champions of the 2008 season. Furthermore, according to no less an authority on our calendar and our history than the famed movie director and idiotic windbag, Spike Lee, past Super Bowls would now have to be designated as Super Bowl 1967 B.O. while this years Super Bowl would be known as Super Bowl 2009 A.O., or, 'Before Obama' and 'After Obama'. But then Spike Lee is himself an A-O. With the O now standing for hole.

Another thing that needs to change is the two weeks between the conference championship games and the SB. Two weeks of super hype is boring, redundant and stupid. Media Day has to be the brainchild of the anti-Christ trying to prove to the Lord just how stupid His children really are. Question to a player, "If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?" Unfortunately, we would all be shocked and disheartened if we knew how many of us really wanted to know the answer! Besides the players are all keyed up after winning the conference championships so it would be far more entertaining to see these guys play as soon as possible before they calm down. How many times have we seen a team that has had a week or two off come out in the big game flat as a Kansas' landscape? It happens all the time in both college and in the pros. So make it a week between and get on with the game.

The Game, that is also something that too many people have forgotten with all the hype and nonsense, it is still just a football game. The rules haven't changed, and the field is still the same size but unfortunately the egos of those involved and the importance of the outcome have been blown way out of proportion. Already there are parties going on all over America, just like Christmas Eve, only without a Savior to celebrate. In just a few hours, more than just a few hours will be totally devoted to running us up to 'The Big Game'! That is if you can really sit still for all of this hyperbole. Once the game begins it will be constantly interrupted, as we will be inundated with all of those anxiously anticipated commercials. Remember the good old days when we all knew that commercials were not 'the' entertainment but were just some guys trying to sell us something we really didn't need or couldn't afford? The way things are going today, who can afford anything anyway?

That brings us to the halftime show. Somebody give me a break here please. I have seen every SB since Green Bay won the first two, except for the next three when I was away in the Marine Corps. Back then in Vietnam and then in Cuba, we didn't get to see 'The Game'. I am very happy that today thousands of our brave Servicemen and Servicewomen will be able to watch this All-American spectacle. But as we watch and smile at the cheering young faces of our children in the military when they are so briefly shown, we must remember that thousands more will not be able to watch this game as they are standing out on some lonely outpost or worse yet, engaged in some deadly combat, for us.

Be as it may, I can honestly state that in all of those SB's I have never watched a halftime show. It is all just unnecessary publicity. If you want to see a concert, turn on MTV. This is a football game, get on with the game. During the season halftime lasts about fifteen minutes and then the players are out at it again. But during the SB the players sit in the locker rooms cooling down, getting tight and cramping up for almost an hour, and for what? So we can watch a bunch of people lip-sync their songs? If you must then get a radio, even an AM, as the sound quality will be better. In the past they have shown two Jackson kids, one was impersonating a male and the other was proving to America, and to our children, that she really is a female, wardrobe mishap… sure. Others have descended from the sky like some goddess; only she had to use a helicopter. British and Irish rockers have performed even though they think a football is round and has black and white spots! Goooooaaaalllll! People who want us only to eat veggies, the U.S. to get out of Iraq and the Universe or to stop driving cars and live in caves to save the planet. No thank you Sir! I'll skip it.

This year it will be 'The Boss'. Well, he's not my boss. Being a Springsteen fan reminds me of my experience with Elton John. I bought all of his albums until 1973 when I found out that when Elton was singing a love song to the girl next door, he very well could have been singing it to me! Bruce used to sing about everyday life here in America. Now he wants to tell us how to live that life, and how to vote. Alas, just another celebrity who wants the public's money and adulation but has become too big for his own head and so now he believes that he knows more than the rest of us poor dumb slobs. You know, we the people who unlike Bruce and his celebrity cohorts are actually still living that everyday life here in America. He is "The Boss" after all. In a recent interview he was asked who picks the material that he will play during the Super Bowl? "The Boss!" He states of course. By the way, where is that point in someone's career when their songs stop being songs and instead become 'material'? I'll skip this Super Bowl halftime show, again.

Speaking of celebrities, please stop showing them in the crowds. If I wanted to see movie stars and music artists watching a game I would be a Lakers' fan… ugh… now that's a ugly thought! This goes for the owners, the coaches' families, the players' moms and pops and absolutely no politicians! This is a football game so show the game. Show more replays, especially the penalties so that we can see if #67 really was holding! Better yet show us more close-ups of those half naked cheerleaders! You know those bouncing little frolics of flesh that you hope your daughter does not grow up to be but you pray your sons get to date and bring over to the house for supper, while still wearing their cheerleader outfits. Yeah, show us those cheerleaders instead of that Pittsburgh linebacker's three hundred pound momma!

It is estimated that 100 million Americans will be watching today's game. Of the other 200 million despite this threat of Global Warming a few million will be shoveling snow or waiting for the heat to come back on. A few other million will be working, although unfortunately this will be a much fewer total of Americans than were working a year ago. A few million will not be watching because, well because they just don't care. But, it is estimated that approximately 50 million Americans, and more than a few illegal aliens, will be conducting their normal everyday routine by burning incense and sitting crossed legged in front of a picture of their Messiah chanting, "Obama, Change, Obama, Change, Obama…"

Worldwide it is estimated that Super Bowl XLIII, or 43, will be viewed by over one billion people! Most of whom won't know what the hell is going on! Many foreign nationals, who just hate us, or anything American, will be hoping that both teams will lose. It has been reported by national security and intelligence agencies that even thousands of Islamic terrorists will also set aside their AK's and suicide bomb belts to tune in. They will sit in their caves fine tuning their TV satellites while drooling over the possibilities of making such a large gathering of self-centered infidels go BOOM!

Of course it will be broadcast in many different languages including Arabic, Spanish, Portuguese, Danish, Polish, Russian, Chinese, Japanese and in some remote corners of the Southwestern United States, English. A little known football fact is the Japanese contribution to our game of football. Few of us know that the quarterback's command for the center to snap the ball comes from the Japanese word, "HIKE!"

Which, of course in Japanese means, "Give it to me big a boy!"

Very few know this but just last week the NFL lobbied Congress for one billion dollars in the now infamous stimulus (oink, oink) bill. The NFL was hoping to provide big screen LCD TV's to Third World nations to increase the number of viewers for next year's Super Bowl. Although our generous Congress was extremely tempted they ultimately decided not to include that package in this bill but have kindly left it open for inclusion in the next big giveaway. It seems that the NFL lobby found that they were not in a strong bargaining position as all of the D.C. Fat Cats already had choice executive suites lined up at this years Super Bowl. Two things must be understood in these dealings. One is that football is America's game. Played by blood and guts, rough and ready down to earth common everyday men. Yet we common everyday Americans are now and forever more locked out of the Super Bowl. Instead those that can attend are the rich and connected. The second thing that we must understand is that our Congress looks at money like we average Americans look at garbage. Somehow it is collected and we have it in our possession. Once that is true we take the garbage out and throw it away not caring where it goes our what becomes of it as long as it is gone. Congress does the same with our money.

Speaking of money, millions of dollars will exchange hands today by placing bets, and for once Congress has nothing to say about who gets it. They of course are not happy with that situation which is another reason why I believe it will not be long before Super Bowl Sunday becomes a certified national holiday. As it is already on Sunday with the government employees already having the day off, Congress will pass a bill making the Monday after Super Bowl Sunday the official holiday, even though the game will still be played on Sunday. Today you can bet on anything and everything involving this game. From who wins the coin toss, or who gets the first, first down, who scores first, who scores last and who gets the hiccups from drinking too much Gator-Aid. Yes it is that ridiculous. At the beginning of this season the Cardinals were 50 to 1 long shots to win the SB, how would you like to have had a grand on that last August?

Sadly this day also marks the most violent day of the year for abuse against woman in our country. When Joe Sixpack's team isn't winning and he's bet the house, or if he has just had too much to drink, well too often somebody has to pay. Ladies if you have been abused before on this day, then I ask you to please do a few things. One, stay away, forever from the sick SOB. If you are still with the guy, be careful, defend yourself or leave now. Call the police at once if you feel threatened and then remove yourself as quickly as possible from the situation. In any case be careful. As for the man who feels he has a right to strike out against a woman, get help. It's a football game, its only money. If you can't deal with the consequences stop betting and stop watching. Get help. You're sick.

Now here is my prediction. The way this nation is going, I predict that in the next twenty years Super Bowl Sunday will be our nation's second favorite holiday, surpassed only by Obama's birthday.

More people are getting together today than they do on Christmas!

And oh yeah, Cards win by 4.

Enjoy the game, have fun, men stay cool and be nice to your lady.

And to all of you, DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!

God Bless.

Mike

"Copyright 2009.  Michael E. Tank   All rights reserved. No part of this document may be copied, faxed, electronically transmitted, or in any other manner duplicated without express written permission of the author."