With all that has happened in the past concerning our investment community it would be easy to point our fingers and blame certain people or institutions. However, I hate to burst your bubble but I have come here to explain the truth about what has happened on Wall Street. I call it, "The Stanley Theory of Economics." Here is how it works:

It does not matter what we mere mortals do, invest, produce, invent, hope, plan, save, pray or scheme. It all comes down to one wicked little man named, Stanley. Stanley is the heir to the Stock Market 'control stick' if you will. He is just one in a long line of Stanley's who have passed the power and control of human economics down a long line of successors.

He lives somewhere in the black mining hills of the South Dakota... no wait… that's Rocky Raccoon.

Stanley has lived for generations with his harem and their mutated offsprings in a "Batman" like cave somewhere in the foothills of Montana. Montana, South Dakota, what's the difference? You can see how one may become confused.

Inside this cave is the most sophisticated technology known to man. This equipment and the knowledge to use it are so advanced that much of it may come from some alien race in Outer Space. An army of Stanley's slaves runs these satellites, computers and telecommunications, which can see out over the entire world and send messages and transactions in less than a split second. From this cave Stanley and his minions control each and every monetary transaction in the entire world. They miss nothing, from a simple ten-cent purchase of a kid buying a piece of bubble gum to the multi-billion dollar buy out of one mega corporation obtaining another.

If ever you should wander into his cave, you will never be seen or heard from again for no one can ever know about Stanley! Unlike Stanley's uncle, Count Dracula, Stanley never comes out of his cave, not even at night. And as his Uncle Drac likes to get up close and personal when he sucks out our lifeblood, Stanley prefers to bleed us all slowly and from a great distance in anonymity. Stanley is all-powerful, untouchable, unfeeling, and completely insane! He is so crazed that he even hates Toll House chocolate chip cookies! He is a beast! His insanity grows ever more severe with the advancement of the terrible biological effects of each "new Stanley" having been inbred in this perverted cave community. As our economics misfortunes continue to decline, this degeneration of his gene pool is one reason why people are always referring to "the good old days" when his bloodline was less drained and corrupted.

Stanley neither needs nor desires any further accumulation of wealth, thus the reason of his power over the rest of us. His inane actions amidst our financial institutes, which leave us scratching our heads, frustrated, fretful, confused and more often than not broke, are made with no other thought in his sick, Toll House chocolate chip cookie hating mind than to mess with us 'meaningless slugs'. His term for us not mine.

When he does allow our stock market to profit it is only his way of waving the proverbial carrot in front of our wanting noses and then chuckles to himself when our hopes and aspirations rise. Knowing all the while he will crush them again for his own amusement. He is a spineless coward. He is cold and callous in his feelings for us. He is wicked and cruel. He is short, has severe acne, is balding and has a very small penis. His person is generally unkempt and he smells like the day old, soiled diapers of a kid who has gotten into the liverwurst. He is the bane of our civilizations. He is evil incarnate. There is only way to rid ourselves of him and his manipulating ways. We must wipe Montana off the face of the Earth! How else can we be completely sure that he will never again meddle in our economic affairs to break our hearts and our bank accounts?

Just to be sure, it might not hurt to take out South Dakota as well. I might have Stanley and Rocky mixed up. Besides, I mean, who would notice?

Now some of you may think that I am being silly or that I have lost my mind and in so doing I have finally gone crazy. But the sad truth is that if I am wrong and there is no Stanley, then we must come to some other conclusions. Such as:

Within our country's financial institutions there are many, many people who share Stanley's contempt and insensitivity towards the rest of us. We must believe that these people are willing to bend the rules, break our laws and damn the consequences to their fellow countrymen in order to just get rich.

We must realize that on Wall Street there are no such things as morality, decency or a conscience. Success is all empowering. Money is the only god, there is no other.

We must also believe that all of the checks and balances that have been put into place to prevent what has happened either do not work or that there are people who will ignore all the warning signs and look the other way if it means that they too can get their cut of the misbegotten profits.

We would have to discredit all of those economic PhD's and financial experts who are supposed to be so much more intelligent than the rest of us and who should have seen this coming a long time ago.

We would have to understand that the blame for the success of these crimes falls on every level of our government, on both political parties, and on all of the agencies, along with everyone who works within those agencies, that have been put in place to control and preside over Wall Street and the people who work there.

We must come to terms with the fact that although the people who led us to this financial ruin are guilty of crimes and misconduct they will not be prosecuted for their unlawful conduct by any court in our land. Furthermore we must resign ourselves to the unbelievable actuality that most of these white collar culprits will be allowed to continue to conduct business as usual without so much as even paying a fine or to face any other retributions for what they have conspired and so villainously accomplished.

Somehow we will have to overcome the misery and misfortune of the families who have lost their homes, the son or daughter who can no longer attend college, the retirees who have lost their retirements, the couples who have lost their entire life savings or the widow who now has to go back to work. And we will have to suffer through this while watching these scoundrels continue living on in luxury by way of their illegitimate and callous profits.

We will all have to swallow hard the fact that even after the American people have been swindled over and over by these despicable, calculated dealings it will once again be demanded of us to reach deep into our own pockets to bail out these institutions with our tax dollars. Tax dollars that should have been going to improve the lives of our children and our own.

Now I ask you, what's crazy?

"The Stanley Theory of Economics?"

Or what is really happening?

God Bless America.

Semper Fi,
Mike


"Copyright 2008.  Michael E. Tank   All rights reserved. No part of this document may be copied, faxed, electronically transmitted, or in any other manner duplicated without express written permission of the author."