Last weekend was the start of the 87^th season of the National Football League. My sons don’t believe me but I was not around when it started. However, I do know a little about how much the pro game has changed and unfortunately the change has not always been for the better. So from an old football fanatic here are ten things I would like to see changed in today’s game. Of course you may or may not agree.

10) Take the skirt off of the quarterback. Now I’m not asking for an open season of QB head hunting here, but how many times have we seen a player tackle the QB just as he releases the ball only to be called for a penalty? Last Sunday I saw a play were the tackler was penalized for hitting the QB because his helmet was the first thing to make contact. Even the announcer, a retired player himself, said that he didn’t know of any other way to tackle someone. Bang, add fifteen yards and a first down for what used to be a legitimate part of the game. The other big girlie thing is that sliding feet first routine, or as the rules call it, giving himself up. We’ve all seen it. The QB scrabbles out of the pocket and gains twenty yards only to find some one closing in so he slides like a baseball player into an imaginary home plate feet first and everybody has to lay off. Man that’s not football. In the good old days Doug “I Don’t Care If I’m Late, I’m Gonna Hit Him Anyway” Plank would have nailed him. The QB is an adult male right? He is out their playing a man’s game so he should be able to take a hit. If he can’t, or if he doesn’t want to get hit, he should take up tennis. If they are going to play like this regarding the QB then just hang a red flag from his belt and play touch. Besides, injuries are part of the game, always have been and always will be, well maybe.

9) Take the pressure off the defense. Scoring touchdowns isn’t the whole game. There are many of us who love the defensive side of the game more than just seeing a bunch of touchdowns being scored. Did any of you see the defensive goal line stand by Iowa in overtime last Saturday against Syracuse? Seven plays inside the three-yard line and Iowa held them out of the end zone. Now that’s football, with no touchdowns needed, just pure hit ‘em hard, hit ‘em low and stop ‘em dead football. If I just wanted to see a group of kids running up and down a field I’d watch a track meet. Yet this is exactly were the pro game is headed with all of these new ‘no touch’ defensive pass rules. Taking a bad cue from pro basketball, in that those in the know think all the fans want to see are high scores and showboating, the rule makers have all but tied the hands of the defensive backs in today’s game. No touching after five yards? C’mon. Football is a collision sport, what no touching? Have you ever watched these D-backs and receivers run side by side down the field? They are constantly grabbing, pulling and pushing each other. No touching? Just like offensive holding can be called on every play so can “illegal contact” on the D-backs or offensive pass interference on the receivers. The trouble is that the offensive holding and defensive illegal contact penalties seemed to be called only at the most critical times against the guilty teams. Don’t tell me that the officials don’t help determine the outcome of the games. Get rid of these defensive rules. Make the players make the plays, even under adverse conditions. Just a few years ago, before these rules were put into effect, the teams were scoring touchdowns you know. Another bad rule is the inadvertent facemask penalty. Here are these guys are running at full speed, grabbing at each other and whoops, somebody touches a face mask, that’ll be five yards please. Unlike the flagrant facemask penalty when someone tries to separate the guy from his head, the inadvertent facemask penalty is a bad rule. Plus the rule only applies to the defensive players, the offensive player can stiff arm a defender right in the face and grab his facemask and nothing is ever called. So either get rid of the inadvertent facemask rule or take the facemasks off the helmets.

8) Cut down on the pre-game shows. How many of you die hard football geeks can really sit through the two hours of ESPN’s pre-game marathons? How about just an hour of the networks’ pre-game football shows? Okay. Now how many of you can watch a whole hour after Fox dropped the sexy Jillian Barberie? Yeah I thought so, it’s too much useless information, too much hype, resulting in too much wasted time. Play the game for crying out loud! By the time the games start we don’t remember what Jimmie Johnson said about the offensive line shift that will confuse the defensive line when Alexander gets the ball in a double wide split. We don’t remember what Howie said about the defensive front line of the Jacksonville Jaguars, and we don’t remember what Terry said about one of his ex-wives. I can’t even remember who is on the other channel’s pre-game show! So cut it down to a half hour, and get Jillian back out there. She doesn’t even have to tell us that useless information about the weather in all the cities where the games are being played. After all, we are sitting in front of our TV’s, in the comfort of our homes or at our favorite bar and we’re hundreds of miles away from these games. So why in God’s name do we need to know what the weather is like in Chicago when I’m sitting in Phoenix? Just have her stand in front of Johnson and look good, maybe she can wink at the camera once in a while. As for those comics and their jokes, yeah they’re funny, sometimes, but then so is Comedy Central, which is where we would all be tuned in if we wanted to laugh instead of watch football. Get on with the games.

Besides if I am going to spend my time learning football from ex-coaches and players it will be from those with more integrity than Johnson, on Fox, and Michael Irvin on ESPN. Johnson ran one of the most corrupt programs in college football history at Miami. While his Cowboy coaching days are notorious for the long lists of crimes and drug use his players compiled while under his guidance. He is also the man responsible for the firing of two football coaching legends, Tom Landry and Don Shula, both of whom held jobs that Johnson coveted. As for Irvin, if he wasn’t a premier receiver, he would still be in jail. I have better things to do than to listen to what a con artist and criminal have to say and to have to watch as they are paid millions to say it.

7) Stop telling us that the players are tired. In high school we once had a coach who broke down how much time we were actually playing football and exerting ourselves in a sixty-minute game. With the game clock running, each play only lasts a few seconds at a time, with at least a full minute in between plays while the referees spot the ball and as the offense huddles up to call their next play. So in sixty minutes a player may actually only be running or physically exerting himself for all of about 20 to 30 minutes in a full game. That is if a player was on both defense and offense. Now add into this time span two breaks between quarters, the halftime break, a break after a team has scored or was assessed a penalty, three time outs per team per half to equal twelve time outs altogether and it all adds up to a lot of standing around and resting.

         Now look at the pro games today. You have all of the above plus numerous TV time outs for commercials. Unlike high school football in the sixties, today all the players in the NFL only play either offense or defense. They are also specialized in their positions with many players only playing on specific downs. Such as on defense you have a big nose tackle that only plays on first or second down or a linebacker who only comes in on passing downs. Teams today platoon their receiver’s corps, linebacker corps, defensive backs and running backs. There are guys out there making millions who are called third down backs and that is all they play, and then only at certain times, not on all third downs during a game. Lets not forget that these are all young men in top physical condition and in their prime. They have special diets, workouts and rest periods. On the sidelines they are allowed to sit on a bench, drink special drinks to quickly add fluids back into their bodies, suck on oxygen masks, and if it is too hot they sit in front of huge fans, if they are cold, well here’s a gas heater. Now have a coach throw out a red challenge flag and these guys can take a nap while the ref reviews the play over and over again. If they play on Sunday they normally are not made to work out until at least Tuesday with any physical exertion waning by Friday so as not to wear them out for the next Sunday. Yet how many times have you heard an announcer say in the first half that the defense has been on the field a long time and they are getting tired? My first thought upon hearing this is, if the defense has been on the field a long time then so has the other teams offense so why aren’t they tired too? But you never hear that, it is always just the defense that is tired. Tired? Well they may be tired of not being able to stop their opponent from getting another first down but they should not be physically tired. Not at that age.

6) Stop all of this needless, un-sportsman like showboating, you’re killing me. The game of football is supposed to build character, not create characters. But sometime in the not to distant past the individual antics of some players got out of hand. Sadly it has spread like a virus throughout the league and it is now an epidemic. Everybody knows what I am talking about, all the little dances, spasms, falling down and jerking around when a player scores a touchdown. Now think about this, if you were walking down a street and you saw some young man thrashing around like he was having a spasm attack like they do on the football field, you would call for the rubber wagon to take this lunatic away. I think this all started with the wide receivers, spread to the running backs, caught on with the quarterbacks until now it has even spread to the stoic men of the defense. It is ridiculous, unnecessary and mostly in very poor taste. It used to be only when someone scored a touchdown but now players are throwing these fits when someone makes a first down, catches a pass, makes a tackle or ties their shoes without the help of the trainer.

Fortunately this year the No Fun League, as the advocates of this nonsense refer to the NFL, has implemented a new rule that players can no longer use props in their silly celebrations. Props for crying out loud! In football for Heaven’s sake! Unfortunately it is a rule that is too little too late. About the only players who have not joined in with this debasement of our beloved game are the offensive linemen. Probably because their jobs on the field have been and always will be a team effort and thus to show off in such an individual manner is not possible. Besides they are usually far down the field after they have made it possible for the ‘star’ player to break free and score and are thus left standing alone while the football hero pretends to autograph a football, blow it up like a hand grenade, spins it like a top, purposes to a cheerleader, dances like an idiot or pulls a cell phone out of the goal post’s padding and calls home. With all the other players celebrating every time they do something, and I mean do anything at all, I have to wonder just how long these offensive linemen can hold out before they too finally joining in the absurdity?

         What really is appalling is when a running back runs for twenty yards while picking up a first down only to then get tackled by a defensive player, and we see them both jump up after the play and do ‘their thing’. The running back makes a signal for a first down, as if the referees needed his help, and the tackler starts jumping up and down waving his arms or pretending he is digging a grave because he finally tacked the running back. What they both are saying to me is, “Hey look at me, I’m just the greatest!” But I know that without ten of his teammates doing their job that running back gets squashed at the line of scrimmage before he can run for two feet and the tackler didn’t do his job of stopping the runner from picking up twenty yards and the first down, but he is so happy he could just sh…well you know. To me it shows disrespect for his teammates, his opponents, and the fans but mostly for the game itself. After all it is supposed to be a T-E-A-M sport. Yet these players are not admonished for their stupidity, they are in fact celebrated for it. With all of this energy that these players use in these little tantrums I have to imagine that if they all just got up after the play was over and walked back to the huddle like their predecessors years ago, they would not be so tired all the time by the third quarter.

I know. I’m just an old man who lives in the past when sportsmanship and respect for your opponent was still part of the game. Hopefully I have a few more years left in me, but I do hope I have seen my last snap from center before one of these egotistical idiots scores a touchdown, strips naked and waves his special purpose at the crowd. Hey, they are already pretending to take off their pants, and everybody knows that with these clowns the next celebration has to be better than the last. It can only be a matter of time before we are seeing more balls than just the ones wrapped in pigskin.

5) Take Race out of the equation. I’ve thought long and hard on whether or not to include this item. Race. Mention it and you can be sure that someone will be offended. It is such a taboo subject that when people talk about the TWO things you should never discuss are politics and religion, we all know that there is really a third we shouldn’t discuss and it is number one, Race. But nobody will even say the word! However, throwing caution to the wind, and believing that few will ever read this anyway, here goes.

A few years ago the Atlanta Falcons played the Philadelphia Eagles for the NFC Conference Championship. Now I knew who played at quarterback for these teams but I wasn’t thinking much about it as the game came on. That is until I heard the first words of the announcer after he said, “Hello everybody, welcome to…” and so on. Because then he said, “This is the first time that two teams with starting Black quarterbacks will play for the championship.” What? Huh? What did that have to do with anything? As I said I already knew that Michael Vick started for Atlanta and that Donovan McNabb started for the Eagles, but it never dawned on me that this was some new frontier. It did not matter to me that these two men were black and playing quarterback. I had not made the connection. I had not sat down in front of my TV thinking, “Man, I wish one of these teams had a white quarterback.” And why was this occasion singled out when there are so many Black players now playing in the NFL? This was never brought up when two teams were the first to play each other while both having Black fullbacks, tackles, left ends and so on. It was announced in this manner because the media always has to have an angle, a story that goes beyond the game that makes them feel, I suppose, important.

         But what they did here made me angry. Because by not just doing their job and showing us the game, a game of men against men, white and black, displaying their skills on a level playing field, while others of us, black and white, joined in to watch and to be entertained by the game, the announcers deliberately separated us by Race. There is a time and place for everything. Our problems with race should and must be discussed. But the place to discuss them is not during a game of football, or any other sport. Another problem I had with this announcement was that it seemed to me that now we were not supposed to watch our favorite teams, to root for the men in Falcon Red & Black, or the players in Eagle Green, but what we should notice and take into account was what color of skin was under those helmets. The following year pitted the Seattle Seahawks against the Carolina Panthers in the NFC Championship; I didn’t hear anything like, “Welcome to the game where once again we have two teams who have white starting quarterbacks.” Race relations will improve in our country a lot faster if certain people will stop pointing out these differences that have no consequence.

 I have found that the two most level fields known to man in regards to race and religion are the athletic playing field and the battlefield. I have had a little experience with both. The color of a man’s skin does not matter to the man beside him on either. Take the issue of race out of the NFL, especially in the announcer’s booth.

4) The game announcers need to cut down on the exaggerated superlatives and the criticism. Since there are so many of these guys and they are all guilty I will confine my statements to two of the worst offenders, Mike Patrick and Joe Theismann, both of ESPN.

Simply put I want Joe to give these players of today a break and to remember he wasn’t perfect when he played either. As for Mike Patrick, please stop yelling, “Did- you- see -THAT?!” Yes Mike I did, I’m watching you on television you blanket head, not listening to you on the radio. Furthermore I not only saw THAT! I have seen THAT! many times before, and I expect to see THAT!, every time I watch, it’s called football. So please stop acting like this player who just made a great play did something that is not otherwise humanly possible. I have spent many years enjoying these great games and I still enjoy watching them. But nobody is going to dazzle me anymore today than I was when I watched Lynn Swan glide through the air at what seemed impossible heights to catch a pass. No one today will make me forget the grace and speed of Gale Sayers, Barry Sanders and Walter, or the power of Jim Brown, Jimmie Taylor or Earl Campbell. No player today will impress me as much as Johnny Unitas with his accuracy and toughness or Bart Starr and Roger Staubach with their leadership and their desire to succeed. There will be no bone crushing tackles better than those handed out by Butkus, Nitschke and Lambert, nor will I see such larceny in the defensive backfield that will out shine the efforts of Willie Wood. All these elements are still here, still being played in the game today. I understand that part of your job is to sell the game and the talent on the field, but hey, there are limits. So Mike, relax and try not to be such a company pitch man or act like a crazy man who has been locked in a rubber room for the last thirty years and you are just now seeing your first football game.

And finally, I want the announcers to stop telling our young people who are watching that it is all right to do whatever you have to do to get an edge on your opponent to win. It is a game, cheating, bending or breaking the rules may win you a football game, but it will not win you much else in life, in the long run anyway.

3) Stop playing the Pro Bowl. Ah yes, the Snore Bowl, nobody watches, nobody cares, and nobody needs it anymore. At least a long, long time ago when the college All-Stars played the NFL Champions there was some interest. Today I don’t know of a single person who talks about, waits for it, or watches it. Other sports’ All-Star games hold some interest because they are played during the regular season. Because injuries in football are more apt to occur than in other sports this Pro-Bowl game has to be played after the NFL season, after the Super Bowl. By then nobody cares. Stop playing it, everybody just go home and get ready for the next season. Pray for forgiveness from your fans for making them cry this season and vow not to do it again next season. Besides the Super Bowl isn’t played now until February, football should end on New Year’s Eve.  

2) Demolish all domed football stadiums!

Wait, don’t run for the hills, that’s not the Mother Ship from Mars invading Earth, it is just the new Arizona Cardinals’ Stadium.

Pretty isn’t it? No I don’t mean the stadium, I mean our blue Arizona skies.

Domed stadiums are a curse on football. You could also say that they are a curse on the teams who play in them too. Looking at the records of these domed teams on the road, and playing outdoors, you will find that no matter how bad the teams are that they are playing, take the home team and the points. Yes, its that bad. Teams who have domed stadiums are always at a disadvantage when on the road and playing outside. On the other side of the ball, domed stadiums eliminate the level playing field for the visiting team when the visitors play their home games, like they are supposed to, outdoors. In a league that prides itself on parity domed stadiums insures that all the games are not being played on equal terms. Another thing we should note is that domed stadiums have been around for forty-six years, yet only one team that plays in a dome has ever won the Super Bowl! That was the 2000 St. Louis Rams. That’s not very good odds for all of you domed teams’ fans. 

Besides, football is an outdoor sport. If you want your football indoors go watch Arena Football. If you haven’t played football in the rain or snow, you haven’t had fun playing football. Its even more fun just to watch it being played in the rain or snow. Football should be played in bad weather. Think back to all of the truly great classic gridiron battles, they were all played outdoors. A football game played indoors is just another game played in a controlled environment. But a football game played outdoors, in the blazing heat of the afternoon sun, or in the sub-zero temperatures of a Midwestern winter, or in a blinding snowstorm, or in freezing rain, or in an all enveloping fog, than that is no longer just a football game. For it then becomes an epic struggle of men against men battling each other and the elements of Nature. That’s football. Remember The Ice Bowl? If that game had been played inside a dome, it would have just been another close championship game. The only people who would still be talking about that game today would be the people who had been stuck in the parking lot after the game because their car batteries had frozen. In the future we will have some good close games played in domes, but that is all they will ever be, good and close. No truly epic pigskin battles will ever be played inside a dome. Football was meant to be played outdoors where God can take part, He likes to play too you know.

1) Do away with Instant Replay. And please do away with it before Major League Baseball adds it to their games! I love baseball and I enjoy spending my time “watching the game” with one eye while I’m doing other things. But can you imagine Instant Replay in baseball? The games are already two and half to three hours long, with IR it’d take a week to play one. Nine innings wouldn’t just seem like nine hours, that’s how long it would actually take to play them! But, I’m getting off the track; we’re talking football so here is why I want Instant Replay out of football.

            Put aside the facts that Instant Replay interrupts the flow of a good contest while it slows down the game and thus makes it longer. But instead remember that the games we play are for not only to have fun playing, or watching, but also to teach us lessons in life. Whether we are involved as a participant or spectator. We are told this from the first time we pick up a ball and lineup to play. Life is full of ups and downs, we all make mistakes in life, and we all have to pay for our mistakes and failures and also those made by others around us. It is how we handle these set backs, right or wrong, that builds character and makes us wiser, stronger. I have always believed that we learn more from our failures, from adversity, or from being a victim of an injustice than we do from our successes, good fortune or the benefit of the blind, balanced scale. Sure it feels good to see a mistake corrected, but many times that mistake is only compounded or at least left uncorrected. Besides, it is only a game. In the true meaning of the things that really count does the few inches for the correct spotting of the ball in the field of play really matter? Tomorrow, when you are all back to work did it really matter if Number 17 had both feet in bounds as he caught a pass in the first quarter of a game that ended 23 to 10? And tell the truth, doesn’t it feel even better when your team has been robbed of what looked like a sure touchdown but was ruled not to be, and you watched your brave heroes overcome this adversity and score on the next play. Didn’t that really make that ensuing touchdown just that much sweeter? Life is full of human errors and because we humans play the game it too will have its errors. Shouldn’t our games reflect and teach the same lessons we need to learn in our lives? And as with in our lives we take pride in overcoming adversity shouldn’t we also want to take pride in our teams and our players for overcoming such in the games we choose to play. There is no need for Instant Replay in our games. Mistakes are a part of life. As it is how we overcome these set backs that make us great in life. It is also how these players overcome these difficulties in the games that make them great and worthy of our adulations. 

God Bless and enjoy the games.

Semper Fi,

Mike

"Copyright 2006.  Michael E. Tank   All rights reserved. No part of this document may be copied, faxed, electronically transmitted, or in any other manner duplicated without express written permission of the author."